Life with Mind Altering Drugs

Ok, you all know me.  This is NOT a post about me doing illicit mind altering drugs.  It IS, however, about mind altering drugs.... of the prescription kind.

 

It all started in mid-February of 2007, my journey with mind altering substances.  It was really a pattern I didn't see until later - but I was always very down in February.  This February was particularly bad.  I found myself getting in with whomever could see me at the doctor's office because I was in a panic attack that had lasted for a couple days already.  I hadn't really slept or eaten much at all.  I ended up with my least favorite nurse who always treated me so condescendingly (my pet peeve since I was about 9, before I knew what that word even meant).  But it didn't matter because I was desperate.

I asked her if there was anything I could take to make this stop, like Xanax.  She probably thought I was a drug seeker or something, but I'm sure I was obviously agitated.  She suggested that I take Prozac instead, but that I would have to take it every day, all the time, not just as needed like Xanax.  At that point, I felt so out of control that I was taking whatever she recommended.  I took my prescription, filled it, and headed home through a blizzard.  

Over the next day I would watch over 17 inches of snow fall outside of my house, but I was oblivious.  I was still wracked with anxiety so I barely noticed.  I spent the next several days by myself.  Barely eating but managing to choke down a few bananas and some vitamin water, maybe a little applesauce.  I remember watching endless episodes of Will and Grace reruns and staring off into space.  I wasn't even on MySpace as I usually was because any little thing just seemed to agitate me.

As the Prozac began to work, I started eating better again and went back to work.  I had this weird feeling that I was smiling all the time -- like an idiot.  It was an odd feeling but it gradually passed.  This all occurred over about a week, but it took several more months until I could say I felt normal.  But there was a problem......  Every time I went to the doctor's office for anything after that point, the answer was to raise my Prozac.  From 10 mg to 20 mg, then to 40 mg, then to 60 mg.  

It's now been almost 5 years since I was first put on Prozac.  I know that some people are truly depressed to the point that they need to stay on anti-depressants forever.  But until recently, none of my health care professionals have ever questioned whether I still needed to be on it or not.  I've discovered that a lot of doctors assume you need to be on something forever once you start it.

But here's the thing.  I'm in a MUCH better place health-wise now because I'm taking care of myself and making sure I nourish my body with the things it needs to work properly.  How many of us could stop taking multiple prescriptions if we gave our body sufficient nutrients to heal itself instead of continuing to eat food with no nutrients and using drugs to cover all of the symptoms?

I am so thankful for my current doctor.  She has supported me going off a lot of my drugs.  She has even suggested that I may be able to go off of my Asacol, which I take for Ulcerative Colitis, even though my gastroenterologist told me I'd have to take that three times a day every day for the rest of my life.  But first we decided I would tackle the Prozac.

I had already dropped the Bentyl, Zyrtec, and Flonase I was taking every day with little problem except some allergy season sinus issues.  I tried to see if I could take a Zyrtec here and there to help with the allergies -- but just one day of it after not taking it for a few months and I knew that some sinus discomfort was so much better than the absolute drugged feeling of taking the Zyrtec.  Me and my Neti pot will take care of my sinuses.  :)

My doc said I could just stop taking the Prozac and it would slowly taper out of my system, but I decided to take it a little slower.  Over the last 2 months, I've tapered down to about 20 mg a day from 60 mg and keep working towards getting all of the way off of it.  

I've noticed some changes as this mind altering drug leaves my system.  As I reduce the dosage, I have some disturbances in my sleep patterns -- but this usually goes away if I stop tapering for a week, adjust, then start going down again.  I have NOT noticed any anxiety or depression.  In fact, life seems pretty good for the most part.  But the most dramatic difference, at least at this point, are the dreams.  I'm not really remembering them so much, but I haven't really had many dreams in so long I can barely remember.  Now when I wake up, I have brief memories of at least 5 or more different dreams I had over the night.  

I find it fascinating really.  I wonder what is working in my mind now that wasn't working while on higher doses of the Prozac.  I wonder if this is just a sign of things to come.  I look forward to more dreams..... I think sometimes your sub conscience works things out in your dreams. And while the Prozac did it's job for me at the time in 2007, I think my days of needing it as a crutch are over.  I look forward to becoming even healthier and more fit as time goes on....